We all know that menopause is a time of bodily change but for many of us it is also a time of reflection. Because a chapter of our lives is coming to a close, we may have a tendency to look back at our choices, often with dissatisfaction. For many of us marriage, family and careers have taken over our lives with us almost on automatic pilot, doing what has to be done day in, day out, but without any real conscious attention.

Then, suddenly, things change. Our children start to live their own lives; our parents start to age and may begin to have health problems; we may have our own health issues; we may experience work related problems.

Of course, none of these issues are unique to women and many of us will find that the men in our lives are also struggling with the prospect of growing older and many of us may find ourselves divorced as a result.

It can be easy to blame circumstances for the way we feel, becoming bitter in the process. But this is not only bad for your emotional wellbeing, it can be bad for our health.

So what can we do about it?

Fortunately, there are two things we can practice which will have a big impact on our outlook without costing anything except time and dedication – gratitude and forgiveness.

Gratitude

No matter what life has thrown at us, there are things that we can be grateful for. Maybe you have wonderful children, a devoted husband or lovely friends. Perhaps you’ve had a satisfying career or live in a beautiful place. Be grateful for a sunny day, a great song on the radio - in some ways, the simpler, the better, because if we can take pleasure in the little things, we are more open to positive emotions.

Studies have shown that people who record the things they’re grateful for experience an increase in happiness and life satisfaction so consider keeping a gratitude diary.

Forgiveness

This one is harder, but just as important. We have all had experiences in the past where we felt badly treated by somebody. The nature of relationships means that at times we end up hurting each other and the closer the relationship, the harder we feel any hurt. Husbands, children, parents, siblings, friends, work colleagues, neighbours – when you consider how many people we have in our lives, it’s not surprising that some of these people will cause us pain at some time.

Some people harbour grudges for years. If you have frequent and intense negative thoughts about the past, these thoughts will block positive emotions such as contentment and satisfaction.

You may feel that you have good reasons for not forgiving. Your experience may be complex and difficult to come to terms with. Healing takes time and it is ok if at first it hurts to much to forgive. However, holding on to negative feelings can have a serious impact on your wellbeing. If you are able to reach the point where you can forgive and let go of bitterness, you have a much better chance to move on and enjoy life again. As well as having a positive impact on your happiness, forgiving can lead to better physical health, especially in cardiovascular terms.

If you choose to follow up forgiveness with reconciliation, there could be even more benefits. Your relationship is likely to be much stronger – and a better relationship has to be a cause for celebration and gratitude.